Tomorrow's headlines

Both the US and Iran seem to be waging a political PR war regarding who is doing more to help with earthquake relief in Iran. Following are some headlines I imagine seeing in the days ahead...

Iranian search and rescue team rescues 104 year old woman from quake debris, survivor of 39 days of being buried alive

US sends $25 billion in aid to earthquake-stricken Iran. Money is deemed "gift from the people of America with no strings attached"

Majority of ancient Iranian city of Bam, stricken by recent earthquake, rebuilt by massive efforts of Iranian government and jealous Muslim citizens. New city deemed "Light of Humanity" by UN delegation

The Bush Administration, in efforts to provide further aid to earthquake-stricken Iran, offers to replace US government with rule-by-proxy by Iran's Muslim leadership

Iranian government solves Israeli/Palestinian conflict, invites leaders of "Israel/Palestine Two State Cooperative Political, Military, and Economic Council (democratically elected in both states)" to public speaking tours across Iran

President Bush proposes radical concept for 2004 Presidential election: "Howard Dean, you become President; I stay on as VP. Together, under your leadership, we will work to unite America and solve our problems." Dean campaign and Bush administration schedule joint press conference for tomorrow

Osama bin Laden submits award-winning design for World Trade Center memorial site. Surrenders to America and pledges to "explain my religious and philosophical tyranny to all"

Dean/Bush Administration negotiate Secretary of State position with Osama bin Laden.

Cancer cured; eternal life proposed by new experimental Pharmacia drug

Messiah appears; all see the entity in the light of their respective religions. All in world "saved"

Why not?