For the babysitter:
We’re not big fans of TV in general and are very strict about following the guidelines that say children shouldn’t be exposed to any TV at all before two years of age (and as you know, our twins are 18 months old).
That said, there are certain, limited times when an exception is permitted. In such a situation, the children may be allowed to watch TV, provided it is Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope. The proper version of this movie can be accessed via my Apple TV and can be found labeled as such. Do NOT play the “Special Edition” of the movie nor any of the other Star Wars movies in my collection- especially not Episodes I though III, not under any circumstances.
So to be clear, the only thing the kids can watch on TV is the original 1977 version of Star Wars.
If either of the kids should ask about any of the subsequent episodes, you are not to engage in any conversation about them. If pressed, you may express excitement for the experience they will go through as they eventually watch Empire and Jedi with their dad, but you are still bound not to mention the prequels.
If somehow either of the kids should discover evidence of the prequels (a fireable offense for you, by the way), you MUST avoid discussing them at all costs. Avoid eye contact, try to change the subject, play the original version of Star Wars again… whatever it takes. Run and pretend to vomit in the toilet and have them focus on helping with cleanup. Whatever.
If you can’t hold them off long enough, start telling them the George Lucas backstory as it existed before the dark times that came in the nineties. Go into detail about how the original Star Wars film was hand-crafted by dreamers fighting long odds.
If you get to that point and we still haven’t returned from dinner, please fall to the ground and pretend to be dead until we return at around 9:00. It shouldn’t be a late night.
Dinner’s in the fridge and should be served at 6:00. Bedtime is 8.
Call if there’s any confusion about the TV thing, please.
-Jeff